I’m sure everything will be completely fine in 2016, but it wouldn’t hurt to learn a few new, precautionary skills just in case.
Hitler, apparently, was high the whole time. Under the care of Theodor Morell, a “grossly obese quack doctor with acrid halitosis and appalling body odour,” the deranged Fuehrer was almost always “pumped with as many as eighty different drugs, including testosterone, opiates, sedatives and laxatives.”
“Have fun with writing,” Christopher Moore once said. “Be as silly and as off the wall as you want to be.” Great advice — writing should be fun. But Moore, well, he takes that to a whole new level. Just get a load of this sentence, which arrives early in his flat-out bonkers new novel, “Secondhand Souls”:
Whenever a Hollywood celebrity publishes a novel, listen closely: You’ll hear book critics everywhere sharpening their knives. (It’s a little louder when that celebrity is James Franco.) But David Duchovny, best known for his work on “The X-Files” and “Californication,” won’t suffer a hatchet job here. His zany, madcap first novel, “Holy Cow,” which follows the publication last year of “X-Files” co-star Gillian Anderson’s first novel, is a seriously entertaining fable that doesn’t take itself too seriously.
If the Grinch breaks into my house tonight and tries to steal Christmas, I’ll send him right back to Whoville with a lip two sizes too big. Picture it: I in my cap, having just risen from a long winter’s nap, decking the halls with that hapless felon through a variety of surprising and effective moves, such as an eye jab followed by a mule kick — while screaming.